I had an epiphany today. I have a hard time making decisions. Now, you may ask, why did it take me so long to come to this self-realization? Well, perhaps I am not as in touch with myself as I should be. Also, it isn't all decisions that I have a hard time with. It is only the relatively small decisions that I beat myself up over so it isn't really ALL that obvious. That is what I am hoping, anyway.
Yup, you got it. The big life-changing decisions - I make those with nary a hesitation. I investigate, learn everything I can, follow my gut and charge forward. I don't second guess my decisions either. When I got married 25 years ago, I didn't think twice. When we decided to start our family, I knew it was time. When we built our house, I knew exactly what I wanted.
Other decisions like which political candidate to support or how to vote on a bond issue, I also find easy to make. I know where I stand and tend to take sides early.
It is the small decisions that make me agonize. What color to paint our downstairs bathroom took multiple trips to a paint store to collect paint chips. I thought I had a vision but wasn't sure if it was right. I FINALLY picked out a paint and my hubby painted. Now, I am still not sure it was the right choice. Seriously. I am still checking out colors when I visit other people's homes or offices. I decide what vacation I want to book (IE a cruise) but worry that I might be making the wrong choices when it comes to the final details. My husband will ask me what I want to do on Saturday and my usual answer is "I don't know." This is a typical conversation between me and my (very patient) hubby. Me "I think we should paint the upstairs bathroom yellow." Him "Sounds good to me." Me "I was thinking a pale but somewhat bright yellow." Him "Fine." "Do you think a more golden yellow would be better?" Him. "Whatever you think is fine with me." Me: "I don't know. Maybe a blue would go with the tiles better." Him (obviously having tuned me out by now) "Hmmmm." Me: "But I don't want it to be like a baby's room so maybe the yellow would contrast nicely with the tiles." Him:"Hmmmm. Yeah." Me - "Or maybe another color." and so on and so forth.
If you asked me what you should do with your life or, even what color you should paint your bathroom, I could give you an answer in a short amount of time. I have no idea why I can't make these minor decisions for myself. I am going to try to be better. Stay tuned for the decision on what color to paint the upstairs bathroom. I hope to have an answer before 2010... but I won't promise. Don't want to make the wrong choice, you know?
Here's to decisions.