Nichole recently posted a blog about liking a friend and not liking her actions. At the time, I shared the story about a co-worker and being in the same situation and how I dealt with it. As time passes, however, my co-worker is making more and more decisions that make it harder for me to close my eyes to her actions.
A little background for you. I am a very black and white person. I know what I believe and I rarely, if ever, change from those beliefs. Having an affair is wrong. End of discussion in my book.
My co-worker (CW) was married with two kids and started an affair with a woman. I didn't have an issue with the gender of her new partner but I do believe she should have ended her marriage before starting the new relationship.
Fast forward a couple of years and she is now divorced and living with a different female partner. The reason that I mention the gender of her partner will become obvious in the future. Her newest partner is married so, once again, my co-worker is involved in another affair.
This is where it gets complicated, however. Her new partner (NP) got married to another woman last summer. (CW and NP started dating less than 4 months after the wedding.) This woman is apparently dying from brain cancer. We will call her DW. I say apparently because we have been hearing for several months that DW only had a few weeks to live and she was just awarded a wish from the Make A Wish Foundation to take her kids to Disney for a week. However, DW is hanging in there and is well enough to drive and to work.
Talk about a complicated mess. NP and DW can't currently get a divorce because they live in NH and NH does not currently recognize same sex marriages. They would have to move to a state that recognizes them, establish residency and get divorced there. CW and NP are already talking about their wedding.
The trip to Florida was for DW, NP and their 3 kids (one for DW and two for NP). It was scheduled for a time that conflicted with a long weekend away for NP and CW so they had the Make A Wish trip postponed. (Yep, you read that correct - they postponed a make a wish trip for a dying woman so they could go away for a long weekend.) When it came time for the actual trip, CW pitched a fit about NP going so DW took the 3 kids to Florida by herself for the first 1/2 of the vacation and NP flew down for only the end of it. (You also read that correctly. A dying woman went to Disney with 3 kids by herself for 4 1/2 days.) Since NP left, we have been subjected to: deep sighs, tears and slamming of telephones. I understand that CW misses her partner, but I am finding it hard to be sympathetic when I believe that NP is where she should be - with her kids and dying spouse.
How do you support someone when you believe they are making very bad choices?